Skyrim logic
by War Dragon 909
Summary: Join the Adventures of Rowan and Serana as they journey through Skyrim and deal with what would really happen if they had logic.
1. The logic begins

**I've been playing Skyrim lately when I thought about the logic in the game, so this story was born.**

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**Skyrim logic #1; Mountain climbing.**

The Dragonborn didn't know what to do, either he could climb the mountain or walk through the path that goes around it. He looked up at the mountain and then decided; he was going to climb it. A couple of hours later he had already climbed over it and was in the middle of his next objective.

**Reality;**

"Dammit!" He shouted as another rocky ledge broke off, why in oblivion did he chose to climb a mountain?! Seeing that he had already climb half way he decided to continue climbing. A couple of hours later, he had finally made it to the top, but then he felt warm wind against his neck, he slowly turned around and was greeted by the sight of something he didn't want to see.

A frost troll.

He ran as fast as he could, dodging a pack of wolves and ridged rocks. When he finally got home, he wouldn't leave the house for days.

**Skyrim logic #2; Fresh food in crypts**

After defeating several draugr, the Dragonborn decided to look into the urns around the place. When he found gold and some fresh food he decided to bite into the delicious apple and continue forward.

**Reality;**

After defeating several draugr, the Dragonborn limped over to an urn that contained a tomato and 5 gold coins, he grabbed the tomato and took a bite out of it. Serana had to drag him all the way back to the Temple of Kynareth to get him something to help with his food poison.

**Skyrim logic #3; testing things for Alchemy**

The Dragonborn ate one of every ingredient he had, which include Deathbells, Nirnroot, and Nightshade. After making his poisons and potions from the remaining ingredients, he packed it all up and left with Serana.

**Reality;**

"Are your sure this is safe?" Serana asked him.

He shrugged his shoulders, "I think so."

"You think so?" Serana cocked an eyebrow, "Remember the tomato?"

"Yes, I remember the tomato, but I handpicked these ingredients fresh from my garden." He stated.

Serana sighed, "Whatever you say, Rowan."

Rowan then decided to eat one of each item. Later on he was dragged all the way back to the Temple of Kynareth.

When they got there one of the priests sighed.

"Again?" He asked Serana.

"Again," She replied.

**Skyrim logic #4; Sleeping**

The Dragonborn was skipping ahead of his companion, Serana, for the next Dragon that they were hunting down. He hadn't sleep for days but wasn't worried about anything bad happening.

**Reality;**

"Can I go to bed?" Rowan complained to Serana.

"Why didn't you go to bed when we were at that tavern the other day?" She asked him.

"I did, Hircine keeps annoying me about joining him in his hunting though, that man needs a hobby instead of annoying me every time I'm trying to sleep!" He complained.

"Then why didn't you accept my father's offer? I mean, it would have cured you of the beast blood." She stopped and turned around to look at him better.

He just looked at her blank, "Would you prefer the Father of man beast annoying you or the King of rape?" He asked her folding his arms.

"Good point." She then turned back around and continued walking, but before she knew it, Rowan had falling asleep and landed on her. She tried pushing him off but he was so dam heavy.

"The things I have to deal with." She groaned and tried to get him off again.

"Dovahkiin! Hon zey ahrk ath! Hear me and despair!" A voice called out.

"I hate my life" Serana stated before finally pushing Rowan off and dragged him to the closest village without becoming a Dragon's snack.

**Skyrim logic #5; Time**

The Dragonborn had to defeat Alduin before anything bad would happen and everyone would die but he had some other things to do first.

So after becoming the Leader of the thieves' guild, became the Listener, Harbinger, Arch mage, and a bard, he went back to destroying Alduin.

**Reality;**

"Rowan!" A person shouted.

"Huh?" He whipped around to the sight of a woman in leather armour, "Who are you?" He asked.

The woman glared daggers at him, "I'm Delphine and I know who you are, you're the Dragonborn, you know, the guy that should have defeated Alduin a YEAR AGO!" She shouted at him.

"Gosh! You don't have to yell, and besides, I've been busy lately trying to stop a crazy man in fancy armour from destroying the sun." He told her.

Her expression didn't change, "While an ancient Dragon destroys the world? Aren't you the clever one?" She said the last bit in a sarcastic tone and she then left.

"Really?" Rowan heard Serana asked, "Is that how you describe my father?"

He turned his head to face her, "Yes, that's also how I describe politics as well."

**Skyrim logic #7; Sneaking**

The Dragonborn shot an arrow at the bandit.

"Who's there?" The bandit said with the arrow in his head, "Must have been my imagination." The bandit then went back to counting his money.

**Reality;**

"You can't get the bandit at this angle" Serana whispered to Rowan.

"Not with that attitude" He stated as he sent the arrow flying at the bandit.

Unfortunately he missed.

"Who's there?" The bandit asked pulling out his steel sword and walked closer to the barrel in front of him.

Rowan sprinted out of there with Serana and the group of bandit on his tail.

He was not going to hear the end of this one.

**Skyrim logic #8; Horses**

The Dragonborn was riding his trusty horse when all of a sudden a Dragon came out of nowhere. After he destroyed the Dragon, with the aid of his horse, he went back on his merry way to his next quest.

**Reality;**

Rowan was on his way to Whiterun to seal something's he got from his travel.

"Dovahkiin! Nahlok wah dir! Prepare to die!" A deep voice said from behind.

He whipped his head around and was greeted by the sight of a dragon. His horse got startled and started to panic, so when it got on its hide legs, Rowan fell off, and the horse then sprinted away.

"Traitor!" Rowan yelled at the horse.

"Hin tiid has meyz wah oblaan, Dovahkiin! Your time has come to an end." The dragon bellowed.

Rowan gulped, "WAIT FOR ME!" He shouted and then sprinted towards the direction the horse went.

**Skyrim logic #9: Inventory**

The Dragonborn took stuff from his latest kill and continued on his journey.

**Reality;**

"Really? You're stealing a cup?" Serana asked him.

"I'm not leaving a single thing here." He stated, "And besides, I got you to help." He said.

Serana groaned, "I hate you."

"I love you too, now help me take this bandit's clothes." Rowan stated.

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**Should I do more? I don't really know, so review if you want more Skyrim logic and I love it when people give me ideas for stuff.**


	2. More logic!

**It looks like I'll be continuing their adventures! And thanks J. APPLEGATE and some dude for the ideas, I'll make them the first ones in this chapter.**

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**Skyrim logic #10; Running on tables and kicking things off.**

Rowan was really drunk and jumped on a table and started to kick this off.

"Watch where you're going!" A local yelled.

He didn't stop though, Serana was hiding in the corner of the tavern trying to look like she wasn't with him.

**Reality;**

He jumped on a table and started running across and kicking things off.

"Watch where you're going, you could hurt yourself!" One of the locals yelled. Rowan didn't pay attention and slipped over a sweet roll and landed on the hard ground with a thud.

"I warned you." The local said.

Once again, Serana had to take him to see a healer.

"Are you Jesus?" Rowan asked in his half-conscious state.

"I wish, I really do wish sometimes." Her arms started to ache from his bigger and heavier form, "Like now."

**Skyrim logic #11; the chicken**

Rowan was in the middle of fighting a dragon in Riverwood, he grabbed out his ebony sword and swung at the dragon, but somehow he missed the dragon and got the local chicken.

"Kill it!" The locals yelled.

Rowan sigh in relief, he need some help. What happened surprised him though, they stabbed him.

Did they just stab him? Last time he checked, he was saving them! He thought.

Rowan then decided that he would legged it out of town with Serana on his tail and all of Riverwood.

**Reality;**

He shot an arrow at the dragon but missed.

"Really?!" Serana bellowed, "The thing is as big as my father's ego! How can you miss it?!" She asked in disbelief.

After they killed the dragon with the help of the guards, they found out that the arrow hit a chicken.

Rowan closed his eyes waiting for the blood thirsty villagers.

"What are you doing?" Asked one of the town guards.

"I killed a chicken, aren't you going to kill me?" Rowan asked.

"It's a chicken," The guard said in his 'Are you serious' voice, "I protect people, not chickens," The guard then left them muttering about how stupid people are getting.

**Skyrim logic #12; Waiting**

"Sorry, the store is close, come back another day!"

Rowan then waited for a couple of hours in the store and asked the shop keeper again.

"Some call this junk, me, I call them treasures." The shop keeper said.

**Reality;**

"Sorry, the store is close, come back another day!"

"What do we do now?" Serana asked Rowan.

"Wait," Rowan said.

"You'll have to do that outside," The shop keeper said.

"Fine," Rowan and Serana then went outside and sat on the nearby seat.

After a while Rowan started to fidget.

"Stop that." Serana said.

"But this is boring," Rowan groaned.

"Then maybe we should go home and sleep, how about that?" Serana suggested.

Rowan stared at her, "No, we are going to wait," He said.

"Why? How is this better than a nice warm bed?" She turned her head to look him in the eyes.

"It's better than a Daedric prince out to get me," He said a little louder.

"Shut it! Some people are trying to sleep here!" A man shouted from his window.

"Sorry!" Rowan said at a lower volume.

"Just five more hours," Serana reminded herself.

**Skyrim logic #13; Dragonrend**

"Dovahkiin! I will defeat you," The dragon bellowed, the beast then stretched its wings and took flight.

Rowan took a deep breath and then shouted, "JOOR ZAH FRUL!"

It hit the dragon, engulfing it in a blue light. Rowan waited for the dragon to land, but it kept flying around him shooting fireballs in his direction.

"Oh come on!" He shouted at it, "That spells supposed to make you land!" He shouted.

The dragon then landed on top of a high ridged rock.

"You gotta be kidding me?" Rowan asked in a low growl, he really hated it when they did that.

He would have sworn he heard a beast like laugh coming from it too. But it didn't matter anymore, he had coin to make on its bones and scales.

**Reality;**

He shouted at the dragon, armed and ready with his ebony sword and dragon bone shield. The dragon came crashing to the ground.

Serana and he soon finished of the beast and left, after taking its scales, bones, and soul.

**Skyrim logic #14; Becoming a bard**

"I need you to retrieve the poem," Viarmo said.

"Okay! I'll be off now," Rowan stated leaving the college.

A couple of hours later Rowan came back with the poem, "Here," He said.

Viarmo then stated that the poem was incomplete and then Rowan suggested that they should make up the rest. After they finish the poem they went to the blue palace where the Jarl was. Rowan then became a bard later on at The Burning of King Olaf Festival.

**Reality;**

"I need you to retrieve the poem," Viarmo said.

"Okay, seems easy enough," Rowan then left with Serana.

They came back to the college a couple of days later covered in cuts, bruises, and caked with blood and dirt.

"Ah, you have returned. How goes the task I gave you?" Viarmo asked not taking his eyes away from the book he was reading.

"How goes the task? It was splendid!" Rowan said in a sarcastic tone, "I mean, all I had to do was defeat a few draugr and on my way back I had to defeat a dragon!" Rowan then gave the poem to Viarmo.

Viarmo took the poem and studied its continents, "The copy, it's incomplete! And the verses that are readable… well… bardic verse has come a long way since ancient times," Viarmo stated.

"Well, I don't actually care!" Rowan said, he then turned around to leave the building.

"Wait, where are you going?" Viarmo asked.

"Home!" With that Rowan left.

**Skyrim logic #15; Buckets**

Rowan walked into a store and walked up to the shop keeper.

"Anything that interests you?" The owner asked.

"Yes actually," Rowan then proceeded to grab a bucket and put it over the owners face. He then took everything from the store, including the useless junk, and then left like nothing happened.

**Reality;**

"Yes actually," Rowan then proceeded to grab a bucket and put it over the owners face.

"What in oblivion are you doing?" The owner said pulling the bucket off and saw Rowan stealing his stuff, "Thief! Guards!" The shop keeper yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Snatch and run!" Rowan yelled with the stolen goods in both his arms. He ran out of town chased by a group of guards and a handful of townsfolk.

**Skyrim logic #16; The Tyranny of the Sun**

"Come on!" Rowan exclaimed.

"No," Serana huffed.

"It's just a little sun light, it's not going to hurt you," He stated.

"Fine," Serana sighed and slowly walked out of the safety of the shaded area.

"See? Was that so hard?" Rowan asked.

"It's brighter than I remember," Serana said covering her eyes from the light.

"It's okay, now let's go!" Rowan then skipped happily along with Serana behind him.

**Reality;**

"It's just a little sun light, it's not going to hurt you," He stated.

"Fine," Serana sight and slowly walked out of the safety of the shaded are.

"See? Was that so- OH MY GOD!" Rowan yelled when he saw Serana starting to burn up.

"Ow!" Serana yelled, she then ran back to the shaded area and sat in the seat.

"Yeah, we'll continue tonight," He said rubbing the back of his head.

**Skyrim logic #17; The Amazing Point-and-Click Teleportation Map**

"It'll take us days to get there," Serana said.

"It's okay!" Rowan then pulled out his map and pointed at a marked location on it, they were then there at their objective.

**Reality;**

"What are you doing?" Serana asked.

"I'm fast traveling us to our objective," He answered.

"Yeah, are you sure that you're okay?" Serana asked.

"I'm fine," Rowan said. "Why are you asking?"

"Because you're pointing at a map and telling it that you want to fast travel," She said crossing her arms. "Are you sure Sheogorath hasn't gotten to you?"

"No," He then sighed in defeat. "Let's just walk there." They then continued on their journey.

**Skyrim logic #18; Food**

Rowan had traveled all the way to a small town and stopped at the tavern for some food. When he entered the building he went straight to the owner. After he bought a lot of food he then ate it all and continued on his journey.

**Reality;**

"I don't feel good," Rowan groaned rubbing his now bloated stomach.

"Well, you just ate a lot of bread, meat and soup," Serana then pointed at the empty bottles on the table, "Don't get me started on the amount of alcohol you had."

"I think I need to see a healer," Rowan rubbed his eyes, "But let's rent a room first," He then got up and slowly made his way to the tavern owner and bought a room.

"I am not going to carry you back," Serana reminded him.

"Yeah, yeah," He wave a hand at her and then went to his room for the night.

He was not going to enjoy tomorrow.

**Skyrim logic #19; Wanted**

"Wait! I know you," The guard said.

Rowan slowly backed away from the guard.

"Don't go fiddling with any locks around here or we're going to have a real problem!" The guard stated.

"That's not going to stop me," Rowan whispered to himself.

**Reality;**

Rowan was checking items at one of the local stalls when he got tackled to the ground by a guard.

"You have commit crimes against Skyrim and her people, what say you in your defense?" The guard pinned Rowan to the ground and unsheathed his sword.

"I can't breathe," Rowan said trying to move under the weight of the guardsman.

The guard got off of him and picked him up on his feet with one arm.

"Serana! Aren't you going to help me?" Rowan asked while the guard started to tie bonds to his wrists.

The said woman shrugged, "Nothing I can do."

Rowan was then dragged to the Dragonreach's dungeon.

He was not going to stop stealing though.

**Skyrim logic #20; Turning into a werewolf**

Rowan was enjoying the feeling of the warm sun against him.

"Today is a wonderful day for a hunt, what you say Serana?" He asked looking at the said woman.

"For you wolf boy," She answered, she the shifted her weight and moved to a better shaded place under the large tree.

Rowan huffed at her, he then changed into his beast form and slaughter nearby dears and foxes.

**Reality;**

Rowan whimpered, why didn't he take off his armor before he changed into a werewolf?

"Hold still," Serana said, she had already removed his boots and gauntlets and now she was trying to get his chest armor off.

He whined at the force of her yanking, he had trouble breathing with this thing on and her pulling wasn't helping.

"Sorry, this won't work, we need to cut it off," Serana stated.

Rowan whimpered like a puppy, the armor was too small for him to breathe properly and he was afraid if Serana slipped, he did not want to treat a wound today.

Groaning in defeat he shift his weight and waited for Serana to cut the armor off, he was growing more uncomfortable by each passing second.

**Skyrim logic #21; Pain**

They had taken fire blasted, arrows to the chest, and cut marks from all sorts of weapons, but that wasn't got to stop them.

Serana and Rowan ventured forth ready for anything else that would attack.

**Reality;**

"Ouch!" Rowan yelled.

"Hold still," Serana said, she then went back to yanking the arrows out of him.

He winced and whimpered from the pain, he hated arrows and most of all Bandits.

"I just need to get the one in your knee out," Serana then cut the tip out that was sticking out of his leg.

Rowan closed his eyes ready for the coming pain. Serana then yanked it out and cleaned up the wound.

Rowan yelled in pain, he opened his eyes to observe the wound.

"No more adventuring from me," He whimpered.

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**Sorry for the grammar errors if there is any, it'****s the middle of the night now and I really just wanted to post this to you guys. Please leave a review, enjoy your day and make sure you hide your cheese from a certain Daedra!**


	3. Logic and Daedra

**Onsholo, I'll talk about the weather in this chapter, and, thanks J. APPLEGATE and Ghost123 for the ideas. Hope you enjoy!**

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**Skyrim logic #22; Poison**

Serana and Rowan were walking in an abandoned crypt when Rowan stepped on a trigger plate.

"Uh, oops?" He said sheepishly.

Poison darts then shot at him from the walls.

"Are you okay?" Serana asked.

"I'm fine," He then continued forward.

**Reality;**

He dropped to the ground making a loud clank and thud sound.

"Are you okay?" Serana asked.

"No! I've just got poisoned! Do you think I'm okay?" He yelled.

"Great, another trip to a healer," Serana then slipped her fingers under his Dragon bone shoulder plating and dragged him all the way out of the crypt.

Rowan groaned from the poison the way back to the temple of Kynareth.

Serana was lucky that they brought a horse with them on their travels, she did not want to carry him all the way back.

**Skyrim logic #23; Trapping Odahviing**

Rowan was at the Great porch of Dragonsreach, he took a breath in and then yelled out, "OD AH VIING!"

It was quiet, there was just a couple of guards, Serana and him. The night air was cold and the air still.

Then one of the guards was snatched into the talons of a giant lizard and thrown off the balcony. Rowan ran over to confront the beast, his ebony sword in one hand and his dragon bone shield in the other, he notice the dragons eyes set on him.

"Dovahkiin! Here I am!" The dragon bellowed.

Serana hit the dragon with a lightening spell, which gained the dragons attention, Rowan took that as an opportunity.

"JOOR ZAH FRUL!"

The dragon then collapsed to the ground, the beast set his eyes back on Rowan and started to walk closer.

Rowan walked backwards, shield in a blocking position.

The great beast then started to shoot fire at the Dragonborn.

Rowan's back hit the door entrance, he closed his eyes, still in a blocking position, and waited for the killing blow. It never came though, instead he heard the beast shouting at the top of his lungs. He opened his eyes to see that Odahviing was in fact caught in the trap.

"Thank Talos," Rowan huffed.

Reality;

Odahviing didn't like that mage, he was creeping him out, but when the mage touched him pricked him with something, he let out a roar of fire making the place burn up.

"Everyone get out, now!" Yelled one of the guards.

Serana was already gone, and the rest of the people in Dragonsreach were on their way out of the building.

Odahviing managed to break himself of the binds and fly away before he was injured from the building collapsing.

"Dovahkiin! I will finish what I started and kill you!" He shouted, he then left Whiterun and went back to Skuldafn.

**Skyrim logic #23; Naked in the cold lands**

Rowan walked in the cold lands of Skyrim with no clothes on, he then ventured forward into the water. He didn't remember why he was doing this, but it wasn't hurting him.

**Reality;**

"You're a retard, you do know that, right?" Serana told him.

"I-I can't-t feel-l m-my ev-very-ything," He stated through rattling teeth.

"Servers you right," Serana then grabbed a blanket out of the bag that she was carrying, she was always prepared for his ridiculous endures.

**Skyrim logic #24; Riding a horse up a mountain**

"Hi-oh, Silver!" Rowan yelled as the horse made its way over the ridged and rocky mountain. When they made it to the top, Rowan grabbed out an apple and gave it to the horse, "Who's a good girl? You are!" He said, patting the horse on her head he notice someone finally climb over the mountain.

"What took you so long?" He asked Serana.

"I'm sorry! I don't have a horse that defies physics!" She shouted.

"Gosh! No need to yell," Rowan then went back to patting the horse.

Serana growled and collapsed onto the ground, she was tired from all that climbing.

**Reality;**

"Hi-oh, Silver!" Rowan yelled, the horse though didn't move.

"It looks like your horse don't want to move," Serana stated. "Oh well, we'll just have to climb are selves."

Rowan looked up, the mountain was ridged and rocky, and it would be very dangerous to climb. He sighed, "Fine," he said in defeat, he made his way off the horse.

"Good, we should start climbing now," Serana said, she made her way closer to the mountain and started to climb up.

Rowan followed her up the mountain, there was only one good thing about this.

If a rock fell off, Serana would be the one that got hit first.

**Skyrim logic #25; Ancient Nordic puzzle doors**

Rowan looked at the claw's markings, he then changed the pattern on the wall to match it, when that was done he place the claw in it and the door slide down.

"Done!" He then skipped ahead of Serana who was trying to lift the bag full of things he makes her hold.

**Reality;**

"Umm," Rowan looked at the claw, "How are we going to do this?" He asked Serana.

"You change the pattern on the door to match what's on the claw," She said irritated.

"That's the problem, there is no pattern on this," He turned around to show her the claw.

"Well, I guess we has to guess," She stated, she then moved away a little out of range of the poison darts and other traps.

After a lot of poison darts, spikes coming out of the ground and walls, and flame thrower things, Rowan had finally opened the door up.

"Ow," He whined, placing his arm to his back he pulled out all the darts from it. "You are so going to carry me back to a healer," He reminded Serana.

"Great," She said sarcastically.

**Skyrim logic #26; Draugr kicking down stone coffin lids**

When they ventured forth, a bunch of Draugr had kicked down their coffin lids and attacked them, Rowan was still quite weak but just manage to kill them off.

**Reality;**

Serana and Rowan had ventured forth when they heard a thud noise.

"Did you hear that?" Serana asked.

All Rowan could do was nod, they discovered that the noise was coming from an ancient stone coffin.

"What do you thinks inside there?" Serana asked.

"I don't know," Rowan said, he stepped closer to the coffin and put a hand on it. "But whatever it is, it sucks!" He yelled.

There was more kicking coming from the coffin and a couple of scratching noises.

"What you going to do? It's a really bummer that you can't 'open up'," Rowan laughed at his bad joke, Serana just got out of the way and waited for what would happen next.

"FUS RO DAH!" The coffin lid went flying off and smacked right into Rowan.

Rowan groaned in pain.

Serana took care of the draugr and had to carry Rowan all the way out to see a healer, again.

**Skyrim logic #27; Skeletal enemies**

"What are we going to do today Serana?" He asked, he turned around with a wide smile.

"Please telling it isn't. "

"We're going to go into another cursed cave!" Rowan said interrupting what she was saying. "What don't you want it to be?"

"That. Another cursed cave," Serana said, she crossed her arms and gave him a look of disapproval.

"What do you have against cursed caves?" Rowan asked.

"Caves mean a bear, or if it's a frozen cave it a frost troll. But when it's a cursed cave, we're swarmed by Draugr and skeletons!" She yelled.

"Please?" He asked, he gave her his best puppy eyes.

"Fine, and please stop that, it creeps me the hell out."

"Yeah!" Rowan put his arms in the air in victory.

When they finally got there, they were ambushed by a group of skeletons. When they finished them off, they went back on their way to the cursed cave.

**Reality;**

Rowan was unarmed when a skeleton came run his way, in a panic he punched its head off.

"Hey, Serana! Let's play catch!" Rowan then throw the skull at Serana whom caught it.

The skeleton's body then tried to catch its skull every time they throw it.

Rowan and Serana were playing piggy in the middle with a headless skeleton and using its skull as the ball.

"It's over here!" Rowan yelled. When the headless skeleton got closer to him, he throw it back to Serana.

"No, it's over here!" Serana yelled.

This went on for hours until a dragon turned up. That dragon is now a hero to that skeleton, seeing that Rowan Serana got distracted by it and dropped the skull.

My Dovahkiin is a complete idiot.

**Skyrim logic #28; the Companions make you a werewolf**

"We've been awaiting your return," Vilkas said.

"Why were you waiting for me?" Rowan asked.

"Come, follow me." Vilkas then walked ahead.

When they were at the training grounds of Jorrvaskr, the senior members of the circle were already there.

"What's going on?" Rowan asked himself, he got closer to the formed circle and stood beside Vilkas.

"Brothers and sisters of the Circle, today we welcome a new soul into our mortal fold," Kodlak said. He then waved his hand towards Rowan, "This man has endured, has challenged, and has shown his valour. Who will speak for him?" Kodlak then looked at the members gathered around the circle.

"I stand witness to the courage of the soul before us," Farkas said.

"Would you raise your shield in his defence?" Kodlak turned his head to Farkas.

"I would stand at his back, that the world might never overtake us."

"And would you raise your sword in his honour?"

"It stands ready to meet the blood of his foes."

"And would you raise a mug in his name?"

"I would lead the song of triumph as our mead hall revelled in his stories."

"Then the judgment of the Circle is complete," Kodlak stated, he then looked towards Rowan. "His heart beats with fury and courage that have united the companions since the days of the distant green summers." Kodlak then looked at the other members of the Circle. "Let it beat with ours, that the mountains may echo and our enemies may tremble at the call."

"It shall be so," Everyone else said beside Kodlak and Rowan.

Kodlak walked up to Rowan, the others went on their merry way.

"Well, boy, you're one of us now. I trust you won't disappoint." Kodlak then went back to his business.

Later on after Rowan had finished a task he was given, he went back and told of his finished task.

"Skjor was looking for you before. Talk to him before doing anything else," Farkas informed him.

Rowan then went to look for Skjor, who was sitting down by the big hall table.

"Ah, there you are," Skjor said.

"You were looking for me?" Rowan asked.

"Yes. I have something a little different planned this time. But it's not for everyone to hear. Meet me in the Underforge tonight. We will speak more," Skjor said.

"Where is this Underforge?" Rowan asked.

"I forget that you've never seen it. Beneath the Skyforge, where Eorlund works. The door is hidden, but I will show you the way." Skjor then went back to his own duties.

Later that night, Rowan was waiting for Skjor. It had been fifteen minutes until Skjor had arrived.

"Are you prepared," Skjor asked.

"I'm ready for whatever task is next," Rowan said confident.

"This is no test, new blood. This is a gift. Come inside," Skjor said, he then walked ahead and entered through the hidden door way.

When Rowan had entered, he saw a black furred beast roar at the sealing. Rowan was about to drawn his sword when suddenly Skjor spoke.

"I would hope you recognize, Aela, even in this form." Skjor stated. "She has agreed to be your forebear." He then walked up closer to the altar in the middle of the room. "We do this in secret because Kodlak is too busy trying to throw away this great gift we've been granted. He thinks we've been cursed. But we've been blessed. How can something that gives this kind of prowess be a curse? So we take matters into our own hands. To reach the heights of the companions, you must join with us in the shared blood of the wolf. Are you prepared to join your spirit with the beast world, friend?"

"I'm ready," Rowan said.

"Very well," Skjor said, he unsheathed his steel dagger and walked up to Aela, he then grabbed onto her arm above the altar and slit her wrist, the blood dripped into the altar.

Rowan then walked up to the altar and placed a hand into the blood, he then drank the blood and everything went black.

He woke up in best form and went on a savage rampage, and it then went black again.

**Reailty;**

"Skjor was looking for you before. Talk to him before doing anything else," Farkas informed him.

Rowan then went to look for Skjor, who was sitting down by the big hall table.

"Ah, there you are," Skjor said.

"You were looking for me?" Rowan asked.

"Yes. I want you to kill off some thugs for me," Skjor said.

"Really? I thought you were going to turn me into a werewolf or something," Rowan asked.

Skjor laughed. "You're a new blood whelp, do you think I'm going to granted you the gift of the Beast so soon?" He asked.

"I was hoping you would," Rowan whispered to himself.

**Skyrim logic #29; A Night to Remember**

Rowan had walked into a tavern and stumbled into a man named Sam Guevenne.

"If you're looking for a challenge, you've come to the right place," Sam said.

"A drinking contest? You don't stand a chance!" Rowan said very confident.

"Ha! We'll see about that. This is a special brew, very strong stuff. Let's get started." Sam then stood up. "I'll start round one. Down the hatch!" He then gulped the whole pint down. "Your turn!"

"Here we go," Rowan said, he then took a pint of the brew and gulped it down as well.

"One down, my friend. One down." Sam took a pint. "And another one for me." He then drunk the whole brew down. "And how about you?" Sam asked.

"A second drink. Easy enough." Rowan then drunk another one.

"So says you. I think I've hit my limit on these things. Tell you what, one more and you win the contest." Sam stated.

"One more. No problemsh," Rowan slurred.

"Wow, you've really done it. The staff is yours."

"Thash grape!" Rowan then started to stumble a bit.

"You know, you're a fun person to drink with. I know this great little place where the wine flows like water. We should head there. Hey, you don't look so good..." Sam said concerned.

Rowan vision then went black.

**Reality; (A.K.A Serana's point of view)**

She had to chase after this Sam person and Rowan for hours! She had finally tracked Rowan and his drinking partner down to Markarth, how the made it drunk from Whiterun all the way to Markarth was beyond her. She asked the townsfolk about the two drunk morons, one of the people told her that there was only one drunk moron and that his was in the Temple of Dibella, and by the description they gave her about him, it was definitely Rowan.

When she had finally got to the Temple, she encountered one of the Priestess yelling at Rowan to clean up his mess. She waited until he finished cleaning up his mess when she decided approach him.

"What happened?" He asked rubbing his head.

"Don't you remember? You went out with your drinking buddy and started to cause a ruckus around Skyrim, well, everyplace that's in between Markarth and Whiterun," She said.

"I don't feel so good," He groaned. "And my head hurts."

"It's called a Hangover, or also known as karma," She stated, Serana then started to walk towards the Temple front door.

"I still want the staff though."

**Skyrim logic #30; The mind of Madness**

Rowan woke up in this strange place after agreeing to help a man find his master, going to the Blue palace, and then entering the forbidden wing. He walked forward towards the two men at the table, he then approached the one wearing the weird half purple, half orange suit.

"Um, excuse me, sir," He said.

"How rude! Can't be bothered to host an old friend for a decade or two," The man practically yelled.

"I'm here to deliver a message," Rowan said.

"Reeaaaallllyyyy?" The man asked. "Ooh, ooh, what kind of message? A song? A summons? Wait, I know! A death threat written on the back of an Argonian concubine! Those are my favourites." He said.

Before Rowan could utter a word, the man interrupted him.

"Well? Spit it out, mortal. I haven't got an eternity! Actually... I do. Little joke. But seriously. What's the message?" The man asked

"I was asked to retrieve you from your vacation," Rowan answered.

"Were you now? By whom?" The man asked.

Rowan was about to answer when the man interrupted him, again.

"Wait! Don't tell me! I want to guess! Was it Molag? No, no... Little Tim, the toymaker's son? The ghost of King Lysandus? Or was it... Yes! Stanley, that talking grapefruit from Passwall. Wrong on all accounts, aren't I?" The man then asked the last bit a little more seriously. "Ha! No matter! Honestly, I don't want to know. Why ruin the surprise? But more to the point. Do you - tiny, puny, expendable little mortal - actually think you can convince me to leave? Because that's... crazy. You do realize who you're dealing with here?" He asked, his tone shifted though, going from that happier tone, to that darker tone, and back to the happy one.

"You're a madman," Rowan stated.

"Jolly good guess! But only half right. I'm a mad god. The Mad God, actually. It's a family title. Gets passed down from me to myself every few thousand years. Now you. You can call me Ann Marie. But only if you're partial to being flayed alive and having an angry immortal skip rope with your entrails. If not... Then call me Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness. Charmed." Sheogorath said.

Rowan was confused, this Sheogorath guy went from happy and insane to dark and creep just in seconds, this guy had more emotions than a teen girl!

"So does that mean you'll leave? Or not?" Rowan asked, this guy better not give him some task.

"Now that's the real question, isn't it? Because honestly, how much time off could a demented Daedra really need? So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to leave. That's right. I'm done. Holiday... complete. Time to return to the hum drum day-to-day. On one condition. You have to find the way out first. Good luck with that," The Mad God stated.

"Okay, what's the catch?" Rowan asked.

"Ha! I do love it when the mortals know they're being manipulated. Makes things infinitely more interesting," Sheogorath said. "Care to take a look around? This is not, I dare say, the Solitude botanical gardens. Have you any idea where you are? Where you truly are? Welcome to the deceptively verdant mind of the Emperor Pelagius the third. That's right! You're in the head of a dead, homicidally insane monarch."

Great, inside the mind of a dead emperor, and I have to fix it, I wish I had my weapons, Rowan thought to himself.

"Now, I know what you're thinking. Can I still rely on my swords and spells and sneaking and all that nonsense? Sure, sure. Or... you could use... The Wabbajack! Huh? Huh? Didn't see that coming, did you? Sheogorath said.

After a while, Rowan had finally finish fixing Pelagius mind, he then went back to Sheogorath.

"I've done it. I've fixed Pelagius' mind," Rowan stated.

"Hmmmm... "Fixed" is such a subjective term. I think "treated" is far more appropriate, don't you? Like one does to a rash, or an arrow in the face. Ah, but no matter. Heartless mortal that you are, you've actually succeeded and survived. I am forced to honour my end of the bargain. So congratulations! You're free to go! I... have been known to change my mind. So... go. Really," Sheogorath said.

Rowan then felt relief wash over him, he was so happy to go back home.

"Pelagius Septim the Third, once the Mad Emperor of Tamriel, now so boringly sane. I always knew he had it in him!" Sheogorath said. "Well, I suppose it's back to the Shivering Isles. The trouble Haskill can get into while I'm gone simply boggles the mind... Let's make sure I'm not forgetting anything. Clothes? Check. Beard? Check! Luggage? Luggage! Now where did I leave my luggage?"

Dervenin then teleported on the other side of the table.

"Master! You've taken me back! Does this mean we're going home? Oh, happy times! I can't wait to," He was then cut off.

"Yes, yes, that's quite enough celebration. Let's send you ahead, shall we?" Sheogorath then teleported Dervenin away, he then looked towards Rowan. "And as for you, my little mortal minion... Feel free to keep the Wabbajack. As a symbol of my... Oh, just take the damn thing. You take care of yourself, now. And if you ever find yourself up in New Sheoth, do look me up. We can share a strawberry torte. Ta ta!"

Rowan then teleported back to the forbidden wing.

**Reality;**

"Wait, this isn't possibly! I thought this was the logical one?" Rowan asked.

Sheogorath then teleported next to him. "Silly, little mortal! I'm the Daedric prince of Madness! I tend to defy logic." Sheogorath stated. "Now for the cheese and flaming dogs!" Dogs on fire and cheese wheels then started to fall from the sky.

"Last time I checked, this was _my_ mind," Pelagius stated.

"Don't be a bore, Pelly! Now, what was I doing again?" Sheogorath asked.

Pelagius sighed, "Haskill must be a saint if he has to deal with this daily."

"I'm doing the fish stick here! So I can't hear you!" Sheogorath yelled.

What in the name of all that is Sithis, is a fish stick? Rowan thought to himself.

"You know what? I think we should invite all the Daedra here! Except for Malacath and Jyggalag, they suck are parties." All of a sudden a bunch of Daedra looking creatures appeared out of nowhere.

"Not again," Hermaeus mora said.

"SHEOGORATH!" Mehrunes Dagon yelled in bloodlust.

"Daggy!" Sheogorath yelled in joy.

"Give me a reason not to bash your skull in?" Dagon shouted in anger.

"Because you love me," Sheogorath answered, but this earned him a punch square in the face from the Prince of Destruction.

"What are a bunch of Daedric princes doing in my mind?" Pelagius yelled.

"We're in the mind of a mortal? I've been to better looking ones," Azura said unimpressed.

"Not enough trees," Hircine stated, he then saw Rowan. "Wait, I know you."

"No you don't!" Rowan said quickly, he then looked towards Sheogorath, "Can I leave now?"

"Okay!" Sheogorath said, he then teleported Rowan away.

When Rowan stood up, he saw that Serana was still waiting for him.

"What took you so long?" Serana asked.

"You don't want to know," He said, he then started walking ahead. "You don't want to."

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**That's it for now! I don't know if I captured Sheogorath right though, he seems to be a complicated person to right, same with the rest of the Daedra. Sorry ****Ghost123, I didn't want to write so much and I thought it would be good if I left it at that bit for A Night to Remember quest.** Please review and enjoy your day.


	4. MAGIC, CROSSBOWS, VAMPIRES, and logic

**Sorry if I took a while to post a new chapter, I've just had to deal with a bunch of idiots for Christmas, that reminds me, MERRY CHRISTMAS! So Thanks Ghost132 for the ideals! So enjoy this chapter people and review if you want. ****WARNIG! This chapter contains some swearing, don't say I didn't warning you.**

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**Skyrim logic #31; Gargoyles**

Rowan had joined the Dawnguard and was given a task by Isran to find out what the Vampires are looking for in Dimhollow Crypt.

He had confronted several Vampires, a few death hounds, nearly having to fight a wounded Frostbite spider, and had soon arrived at this weird looking platform with braziers. Rowan slid the braziers to their correct spots, which took him ten minutes to figure out, and walked up to the button in the middle of the platform.

The button shot out a spike that went through his hand, causing him to swear some very indecent things. Purple light came out of the ground making Rowan pull the spike out. The platform around me started to slide down, making a stair case. He wrapped a rag around his hand to stop the bleeding. Rowan then noticed the pillar in the middle, he examined it for any kind of trap, like the surprise spike, and saw nothing dangerous attached to it.

Rowan walked up to the pillar and place a hand on it, the pillar opened up a door to reveal a woman inside it. After asking a few question to the woman, he found out her name was Serana and she wanted him to take her to Castle Volkihar.

On their way out of the cave, they were attack by two gargoyles, they defeated them though and they continued on their way to Castle Volkihar.

**Reality;**

On their way out, the stone gargoyles burst to life, Rowan was scared out of his wits and hid away from the gargoyles.

Serana had to kill them all alone, with no help from Dovahkiin.

"They're dead," Serana stated.

Rowan looked up from where he was hiding and then slowly got out.

"Are you okay?" Serana asked.

"Just a little surprised from that, let's leave this cave, now." Rowan walked ahead of Serana, he hated getting surprised.

**Skyrim logic #32; Ninja dodging bandits**

They had run into a bandit fort, Rowan was armed with his bow and Serana was casting spells at them.

Rowan had a great angle on one of the bandit, so when he shot the arrow at them.

In the name of all that is Sithis, Anu, the Aedra and the Daedra.

The bandit ninja dodged the arrow

Rowan had a rage at that and broke his bow in half, like the idiot he is. He then just shouted the Oblivion at of them.

**Reality;**

Rowan had a great angle on a bandit, so when he shot the arrow at them.

The bandit died, end of story, there is no way the bandit would have survived an arrow in the face, unless that bandit was a Daedric prince or was on god mode.

Rowan killed the rest of the bandits and took all their stuff, like the sicko he is.

**Skyrim logic #33; Meeting Harkon**

When Rowan made it to Castle Volkihar, he met a Vampire Nord named, Harkon, who was Serana's dad. He had offered him the gift of the Vampire Lord, but Rowan declined the offer and was kicked out of the Castle.

**Reality; **

"I give to you my blood," Harkon said.

"But I'm a werewolf," Rowan stated.

"Yes, I can smell it on you. The power of my blood will purge that filth and make you whole again," Harkon stated.

"Well," Rowan said, he looked Harkon in the eyes. "Aren't you a fucking racist," Rowan said in a growl.

"Don't talk to me like that in my count, _wolf_," Harkon said, they were glaring at each other.

Rowan could feel the beast trying to claw out and rip this man to shreds, but Rowan wasn't that stupid, he wasn't going to start a fight with an ancient Vampire Lord.

"Uh…. Father? Rowan?" Serana asked, she waved a hand in between the two, but their glares at each other never faltered.

"So, _wolf_, will you accept my gift?" Harkon asked.

"No, I don't want your blood, I don't know what type of diseases are in there, I know, _Vampirism_," Rowan said in a dark tone.

"Stupid mutt," Harkon growled.

"Blood sucker!" Rowan snapped back.

"Shouldn't you be chasing a cat?"

"Shouldn't you be a good parent?"

"Go sit on a silver sword!"

"Go and get a sun tan! You sure as hell need it!"

Orthjolf and Vingalmo were sitting on the side lines watching their "precious leader" arguing with a werewolf.

"I'm not going to let Harkon forget this," Vingalmo whispers to himself.

Orthjolf was sitting on the other side of the room away from Vingalmo, he had the cockiest smirk, he was enjoying this little argument between their "Lord" and this werewolf.

Rowan was led out of the Castle, by Serana, after he struck a nerve, he mentioned how Harkon needs to control his wife and the fact that he's a sicko for letting a Daedric Lord take his daughter's virginity, Rowan reads a lot about Vampires.

"Fucking Vampire and his fucking court," Rowan murmured to himself, he hated that man even though they just met.

Meanwhile back in Castle Volkihar, Orthjolf walked up to Harkon with a little spring to his step and a really cocky smirk.

"You're not just going to let a _werewolf_ get away with that, are you?" Orthjolf asked.

"_Leave. Me. Alone!_" Harkon whispered in a dark tone, his eyes were glowing an unnatural brighter gold colour.

Orthjolf then backed away, he did not want to piss Harkon off, especially when he says it in that tone of voice.

On the other side of the room, Vingalmo was hoping that Lord Harkon would break the other Nord's neck, at least then he wouldn't have as much competition for the throne.

**Skyrim logic #34; Brelyna's Practice issue**

A couple of weeks later, Rowan had decided to join the College of Winterhold, he was already getting to know the other students.

Brelyna had asked for his help in something, which he was willing to assist with, she was a nice girl after all.

She had turn him green, and then later on, had turn him into a horse, cow, and a dog. Brelyna had apologised for turning him into all those things, but Rowan had told her that it was fine.

**Reailty;**

After Brelyna had done all those things to Rowan, he was afraid to go near her. Later on in the day, Rowan had thought of a brilliant plan.

Brelyna was willing to teach Rowan the animal turning spell, she didn't know why he wanted to though.

Rowan then went on a journey all the way back to Castle Volkihar.

"_What are you doing here, wolf?_" Lord Harkon said, he had his fist clenched in anger, he really didn't like the werewolf.

"Oh, nothing, I'm just here to-"In middle sentence, Rowan had cast the spell on Harkon.

Harkon was turned into a dog.

Rowan went into a laughing frenzy, and Orthjolf and Vingalmo were snickering silently, in case Harkon heard.

Harkon was barking and growling at Rowan, he would make him pay for turning him into a dog.

"Shouldn't _you_ be chasing cats, Harkon?" Rowan asked in a cocky tone.

A couple of minutes later of Rowan with his little nicknames for Harkon, the said dog then turned back into a Vampire Nord.

And Harkon was pissed, really pissed.

Rowan had never run so hard in his life, he was sure he would have been died, he was so lucky that it takes forever to turn into a Vampire Lord.

Rowan regretted nothing, even though he was now going to deal with Harkon's full wraith, but he still couldn't wait to tell the rest of the Dawnguard of what happened.

**Skyrim logic #35; Crossbows**

Rowan had never used a crossbow before, but he was using it like a chap.

He could shoot a Vampire or a bandit down in one shoot.

He loved using these things.

**Reality;**

Rowan stared at the devise in front of him, it looked like a retard bow. He picked up the devise and started to examine it closer.

"What the fuck is this?" He asked the orc in front of him.

"It's common for people not to be familiar with, it's called a crossbow, so I suggest you start getting use to using one, that thing will save your life one day," Durak stated.

Rowan then went to training with it, the thing was really heavy and it took forever to reload.

He put the crossbow down near Durak, the said orc gave him a look.

"I think I'll stick with thees babies," Rowan stated, he showed Durak his ebony swords. "At least I know how to use them, and they save my life all the time." And with that, Rowan went back inside the fort to continue training with his blades.

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**I know this was shorter than th****e last two chapters, but I wanted to get this out before the end of the year, which is tonight over here in Australia. Please leave a review and suggestion on what should be in the next Skyrim Logic!**


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